Personal Adjustment
Understand that it will take time for you to adjust to your new home. Throughout this process, communication is extremely important. Misunderstandings will happen, but communication will help you work through them. Here are some tips to keep in mind:
- Ask questions! Even if you think you know the answer, asking questions anyway can help you with language learning and actually confirm that you understood the first time.
- Listen to what your host family says...and also what they might not say!
- Different communication styles can be a challenge to adjustment.
- Styles that are more indirect than yours can be confusing; styles that are more direct than yours can be surprising. Your host family and liaison can help you clarify any confusion.
- Assume positive intent. Your host family has rules for good reasons – they are responsible for your safety. If your host family has a rule that you do not like, you may want to talk to your host parents or liaison to better understand the rule, but you still expected to follow host family rules even if you don’t agree with them.
- Speak to your host family and/or local contact person if you have any questions about cultural and family norms.
- It takes time to build trust; be patient and demonstrate responsibility.
- Do speak up if you are uncomfortable for any reason. You do not have to sacrifice your own personal values in order to respect the values of your host culture.
Remember – AFS host families are volunteers and participants too! Your host family does not get paid to make you a part of their daily life. Your host family also experiences adjustment challenges as they support you as well as learn more about you, themselves, and intercultural communication. So, it can be an emotional yet rewarding process for both you and them!
Cultural Adjustment
A resource that might be beneficial to read before departing for your host country is the book, The Exchange Student Survival Kit, by Dr. Bettina Hansel. The book outlines the stages of cultural adjustment in nine categories.
Familiarizing yourself with these phases will help you relate to some of the different emotions you might be feeling as you adjust to your new family, school friends and more. It is very common for participants to jump around or spend different amounts of time in each phase. Everyone experiences things differently!
- Arrival Fatigue: The combination of excitement, anxiety and hopefulness with jet lag and intense concentration is exhausting and you will likely feel very tired after arrival.
- Homesickness: It is very common to miss home, especially soon after arrival. Missing home is natural but be aware that increasing communication with friends and family at home can make homesickness worse.
- Settling in: Also known as “the honeymoon phase, this refers to the happiness and confidence you may feel as you discover new and exciting things about your host culture, make new friends and begin feeling comfortable in a new home. This is a big step and a point of pride.
- Deepening the Relationship: This happens when you start to feel like a member of the family as opposed to a guest. You are held to the same rules and responsibilities as other members of the family. Conflicts can arise in this phase but think of it as an indication that you and your family feel comfortable expressing your feelings.
- Culture Shock: In this phase, you may feel that everything is an effort and have negative feelings towards your host country. You long for something familiar and may even experience physical effects like headaches, fatigue or lack of sleep.
- The Holidays: During the holidays, you may enjoy the celebrations of your new host family, but you may miss being with your family and they may miss having you with them. Try to engage in the celebrations of your host family. If your host family does not celebrate a holiday that is important to you, use it as an opportunity to teach them about it!
- Culture Learning: As you become more grounded in your community and home life you will likely feel increasingly confident in your abilities to try new things, respond to social cues and face challenges that arise in your host country.
- Pre-Return: This phase is usually a mix of emotions. You are excited to see your family and friends again, but sad to leave your host family and culture. The end of the school year usually includes parties and activities, which may result in conflicting emotions and fatigue.
- Re-adjustment: After returning home you may be excited to share your experiences and reconnect with your family and friends. However, it can be hard to adjust when the initial excitement wears off and you now face the task of adjusting to your home culture again.