Finding a host family that is a good fit for you is the main goal for the AFS placement process. Host families go through a thorough selection, screening and application process, just as you did when you applied to your AFS program, to help ensure they will provide a safe and healthy environment for you.
Your host family will likely be eager to learn about you and your home country as well as share their culture and family life with you. There will be a natural adjustment period to your host family, and past AFS Participants have come up with helpful suggestions for making your host family experience as successful as possible:
- Complete the Participant and Host Family Questionnaire
- Speak more slowly and listen more carefully.
- Ask lots of questions and give ample time for others to answer.
- Ask for clarification if you are unsure of what was said.
- Be proactive about understanding the house rules and expectations from the very beginning.
- Ask your host family to help you with your language skills so you learn to communicate with each other more quickly.
- Limit the time you spend alone in your room; find excuses to be with people.
- Remain at the dinner table to chat.
- Accompany your host mom or dad on their daily errands.
- Share your feelings with your host family throughout your experience, good or bad!
Understanding “Family”
What defines a family varies from culture to culture and family to family. It is likely that you will encounter at least some differences between life with your host family and life in the U.S. It is important to remember that during your program you will be considered a member of your host family which may include participating in activities like household chores, meals, celebrations, and vacations.
Mealtimes
In many cultures, mealtime is often considered “family time”. Your host family is responsible for giving you three meals each day, but that does not necessarily mean they are responsible for preparing them. Find out early if you will be responsible for preparing your own breakfast or lunch. Mealtimes often vary between cultures, and you may get hungry between meals if you are unused to the eating schedule; be sure to ask your family if, when and on what you are allowed to snack.
Household Chores
Housework is handled differently all over the world. In some places, each member of the family takes part in the housework. In some places, hired domestic help is common. Find out early on how you can help around the house. Becoming involved early-on will help ease your adjustment.
Host Family Conflict
As you and your host family adjust to each other, it is natural to have disagreements and make mistakes just as you might with your family in the U.S. Disagreements can feel more stressful on exchange because you do not have the innate understanding of your host family culture that you have of your family in the U.S. Consider the following should you and your host family feel upset with each other:
- Take time to decide how to approach the situation; avoid problem-solving when you are upset.
- Try to recall a similar situation/conflict you encountered in the past and reflect on the strategies you used to resolve the previous conflict.
- Check-in with yourself and remember to identify safe and culturally appropriate self-care strategies (i.e. journaling, going for a walk, cooking, listening to music, etc.).
- Try to objectively look back on recent incidents that could be at the root of the tension.
- Practice the D.I.V.E. model - Describe, Interpret, Verify, Evaluate.
- Consider the culturally appropriate response to the situation.
- The root of many common issues lies in cultural differences.
- Don’t ignore the situation.
- Dealing with challenging situations early on can help avoid a lot of mutual frustration.
- A small problem, left to fester, can create larger problems.
- Communication styles vary across cultures.
- Directness/indirectness of communication may affect the way you approach the situation.
- Review your orientation materials, handbooks, and cultural information to gain insight.
- Talk to your local AFS Contact Person about how best to handle the situation.
- Avoid sharing your concerns outside your immediate support network.
- What you say may be misinterpreted by others.
- In some cultures, word spreads through a community very quickly.
- A simple misunderstanding may be blown out of proportion by such broadcasting.
- Your parents, guardians or friends back home will NOT always give the best advice; they lack culture-specific context that is key to problem solving while in your host country.
- Work on developing rapport, or a good, personal relationship, with your host family to avoid conflicts.
Working through difficulties with your host family is a learning process. Patience and perseverance will help you build trust and understanding.